


get in loser, we're going kokobop

by jenohyucks



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Daddy Kink, Fanboying, Fluff and Crack, Group chat, M/M, Sexual Humor, Texting, Will add tags as this progresses, mentions of other bands, this is shitty but fuck it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-03 22:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11541315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenohyucks/pseuds/jenohyucks
Summary: junmyeon regrets his life desicions every single day.





	1. junmyeon is violent, jongin is a bad liar, and minseok is very amused

**Author's Note:**

> usernames:  
> baekhyoons - baekhyun  
> chanyools - chanyeol  
> minniemin - xiumin  
> squish/satansoo, kyungsoo - d.o  
> kriswu, father - kris  
> luhan - luhan  
> invented blond hair - chen  
> nini - kai  
> maknaeking - sehun  
> mother - suho  
> snap-methat/pu$$y - tao  
> xing~ - lay

**baekhyoons has created ot12forlyfe**

**baekhyoons has added minniemin, mother, invented blond hair, chanyools, luhan, squish/satansoo, xing~, snap-methat/pu$$y, kriswu, nini, maknaeking.**

 

baekhyoons: get in losers, we're going kokobop

mother: baekhyun what is this

kriswu: what is this seconded

mother: no you don't get to second my words, you fucking egg

invented blond hair: woAHHH mom gone wild gone savage

mother: shut the fuck up jongdae or i swear-

chanyools: myeon what's up with you

baekhyoons: yeol!!!!

chanyools: baek!!!!

kriswu: ah young love

mother: shut. the. fuck. up.

minniemin: junmyeon seriously why are you so pissed off

luhan: ^^^^^

invented blond hair: he's probably on his period it'll pass

mother: jongdae you have three seconds to shut up or i'll make you shut up

invented blond hair: mom gone violent??

invented blond hair: junmyeon out here wilDJHDSJHFGg jdhsjkgh gsh8  rf hsd

nini: who's shouting?

squish/satansoo: screaming*

maknaeking: oh that sounds like jongdae-hyung

nini: why is jongdae-hyung screaming?

minniemin: GUYS THIS IS GREAT

minniemin: JUNMYEON IS BEATING JONGDAE UP WITH A MOP

minniemin: BAEKHYUN IS RECORDING

minniemin: I REPEAT THIS IS FUCKING GREAT

luhan: min!! send me the video

minniemin: i'll just have baek send it here don't worry

minniemin: update: chanyeol came in and junmyeon started beating him up too

minniemin: the only reason baekhyun isn't getting beaten up is probably because he's hiding behind me

minniemin: junmyeon is shouting ''I HATE THIS GROUP'' over and over again

nini: we can hear him

luhan: who's ''we''

nini: i***

nini: haha

nini: what a beautiful day outside!!!!

maknaeking: nini go to sleeeep

nini: consider it done bb

luhan: ''bb''?

nini: bESTIE*** haha

nini: h a h a

nini: good night!!

xing~: good night nini!!

**squish/satansoo changed his name to kyungsoo.**

kyungsoo: it's 2pm jongin.

nini: wha- time zones hyung!!haha

kyungsoo: we're literally in the same building

nini: goTTA KRIS

minniemin: oh this is great junmyeon just saw baekhyun hiding and he's beating him up too

minniemin: this is so funny i can't

minniemin: lu don't worry i kept recording with baekhyun's phone

xing~: hyung isn't it smart to like,, try to stop myeonmyeon??

minniemin: now? are you kidding me? nah this is the most fun i've had in a while

minniemin: oh update btw: jongdae and chanyeol are knocked out and baekhyun is close too

maknaeking: as long as they're not disturbing our sleep

luhan: thanks min!! 

luhan: also, ''our sleep''?

nini: whAT HE MEANS IS HIS SLEEP HAHAHA!!!

nini: right

nini: sehun

nini: ?????

maknaeking: yeah what babe- i mean jongin said

luhan: bAbE oHMYGOD

maknaeking: GOTTA LUHAN

luhan: DONT USE MY LEAVING AS A MEME YOU TWAT

kyungsoo: i will slit all of your throats if you don't stop spamming me

kyungsoo: specially you, baekhyun

baekhyoons: I LITERALLY WAS GETTING BEAT UP BY MOM WHAT THE FUCK KYUNGSOO I LITERALLY DID NOTHING

kyungsoo: :)

xing~: is that baekhyun screaming again????

minniemin: yeah kyungsoo's beating him up too

minniemin: jongdae ran out of the room

invented blond hair: I NEVER KNEW JUNMYEON WAS SO VIOLET WHAT THE FUCK

kriswu: is this what you've been up to the past three years or what

minniemin: pretty much

minniemin: but it's never been as fun as today, i must admit

luhan: min why do people think you're an angel again

minniemin: because i am

luhan: point taken

snap-methat/pu$$y: seems fake but okay

maknaeking: TAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

snap-methat/pu$$y: HUNNNNNNNNNN

nini: oh hi tao

maknaeking: niniiiiiiiiiiii

xing~: aw hi tao!!!

maknaeking: hi ther!!

kriswu: tao gets a warmass welcome and all i get is a ''shut up'' from myeon

mother: don't call me myeon, asshole

kriswu: from your resident psycho*

invented blond hair: if i wasn't scared of being beaten again id say get rekt

chanyools: pls don't i don't wanna have to live through that again

mother: eXCUSE

kriswu: whoops gotta kris

mother: YOU CANT KRIS TWICE YOU ALREADY KRISSED

kriswu: says who

mother: SAYS ME

kriswu: well

kriswu: guess what

kriswu: i couldnt care less

mother: i- do you really mean that

invented blond hair: dad:((((

kriswu: im not your dad jongdae

chanyools: wait jongdae was adopted

chanyools: ????

kyungsoo: sometimes i wonder is he pretending to be stupid or is he actually stupid

kyungsoo: but either way yifan i think you broke junmyeon

nini: yeah he's sobbing looking for sehun to cuddle with him

nini: sehun actually just went to their room

luhan: id comment but this is more pressing

minniemin: i'm eavsdropping

minniemin: ''hunnie did he never even love me???''

kriswu: oml

minniemin: ''hyung calm down'' - sehun

minniemin: ''it's just so hard to accept, you know???? that i never meant anything to him???''

kriswu: DSdhjfhdsj

kriswu: can someone get his phone to him

 

**kriswu @ mother**

 

kriswu: myeon

mother: what

kriswu: imsorry

mother: are you really though

kriswu: yeah, i am, i swear

kriswu: i was rude and unnecessary

kriswu: and i always loved u myeon

kriswu: i still do

mother: you-

mother: i love you too fan:(

 

**ot12forlyfe**

 

**kriswu has changed his name to father.**

mother: kids

invented blond hair: oh boy whos he gonna kill now

father: be nice, jongdae

mother: thank you

mother: anyways

mother: your father and i

invented blond hair: he's #notmyfather

mother: JONGDAE I SWEAR

invented blond hair: okok

baekhyoons: can you tell us we're nervous

chanyools: seconded^^

nini: you second everything baekhyun-hyung says

maknaeking: seconded

chanyools: i- can you not see the irony in this

xing~: be nice myeonmyeon has something to tell us!!

mother: THANK YOU

mother: this is why you're my favorite son, yixing

xing~: ^-^

maknaeking: i'd be offended but- i really see where you're coming from

minniemin: yixing is everyone's favorite we got it can we hear what junmyeon wants to say before he starts beating up people with a mop again?

luhan: ^^

kyungsoo: ^^^

snap-methat/pu$$y: ^^^^

invented blond hair: okok we're listening mom

mother: your father and i

mother: are back together

invented blond hair: really?????

chanyools: YAYYY

baekhyoons: SECONDED

nini: finally

maknaeking: so now junmyeon-hyung won't beat us up anymore??

kyungsoo: he never beat you up sehun shut up

snap-methat/pu$$y: aWWWW mom and dad are back togeth!!!

xing~: this is great!!

luhan: yeah finally something good for this dumbass family

father: i-

father: you're not wrong

 


	2. nini is salty, and junmyeon just needs to catch a break.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> myeon gets exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new usernames:  
> resident-ahgase, jaeyong-theotp - suho  
> #notmydad - chen  
> daddy - kris

nini: has anyone seen sehun guys??

kyungsoo: yeah he and tao went on a date why

nini: date?????

nini: dATE???????

nini: lol ok i guess

chanyools: why does it sound like someone is dying

kyungsoo: jongin is crying

chanyools: oh okay

baekhyoons: rip

baekhyoons: is it because sehun and tao went out???

baekhyoons: but luhans with them too???

chanyools: minseok-hyung too i think?

nini: THEY WENT ON A DOUBLE D A TE????

kyungsoo: uhh

kyungsoo: yes

mother: i sense something is wrong

baekhyoons: nini is jealous

mother: what really

nini: ....

nini: .....

nini: ......no.

mother: sure

mother: anyways, since nothing is wrong im out

father: ''im out'' myeon since when the hell do you say that

**mother changed his name to resident-ahgase.**

mother: IM OUT

chanyools: IM 2 OUT

baekhyoons: IM 3 OUT

invented blond hair: IM 4 OUT

father: what the fuck

father: what is this

resident-ahgase: oh right you left kpop in '14

resident-ahgase: too bad you didn't get to see our favorite hoobaes rise to fame!1!!!

kyungsoo: weren't your favorite nct??

baekhyoons: o shit im telling johnny

resident-ahgase: sdjhJHDJH I MEANT PEOPLE THAT ARENT!!! ROOKIES

resident-ahgase: my favorite rookies are nct<33333

resident-ahgase: gotta love my johnnyboy

father: i am,, so confused

chanyools: WELL

chanyools: i, for one

invented blond hair: don't i swear

chanyools: am the biggest army in this household:)

nini: :(

nini: i don't like jimin

invented blond hair: uve triggered the kid, chanyool

nini: he took taemin from me ;-;

nini: i was left

nini: ALL ALONE

nini: bbq sauce on my titties

chanyools: I CHOKED

baekhyoons: ;))^^

father: no stop

chanyools: anyways

**resident-ahgase changed his name to jaeyong-theotp.**

jaeyong-theotp: MY KIDS ARE SO CUTE DONT U THINK!!!!

jaeyong-theotp: jaeyong.png

chanyools: AW SOFT

chanyools: but arent we ur kids

baekhyoons: RT^^^^

jaeyong-theotp: well you are but i don't want to burn myself when i'm with jaehyun and taeyong

invented blond hair: RUDE

kyungsoo: someone get jongdae he's pouting and i wanna punch it off of his face

nini: IM COMING!!!

baekhyoons: well i mean;)))

father: NO 

father: uve corrupted the kid enough

nini: yifan-hyung im not 4

chanyools: hes right

chanyools: ur 2 and a half

nini: :(((((

kyungsoo: theyre not wrong jong

kyungsoo: you're literally a baby

nini: even u hyung:((

kyungsoo: yes

baekhyoons: anyways!!!

baekhyoons: wheres yixing:((

jaeyong-theotp: i think hes asleep

jaeyong-theotp: he must be rly tired

jaeyong-theotp: you guys should rest too!!

jaeyong-theotp: we've worked hard lately!!

baekhyoons: ok mom we'll rest

chanyools: seconded

nini: fine i guess im kinda sleepy

nini: sleepy and sad but oKAY

kyungsoo: i don't feel like sleeping i'll just go to the market real quick

jaeyong-theotp: ok be careful

father: i don't think soo needs to be told twice:')

invented blond hair: wym dad

invented blond hair: oh wait ur

jaeyong-theotp: chen dont

**invented blond hair changed his name to #notmydad.**

#notmydad: fuck

jaeyong-theotp: lanGUAGE

#notmydad: the fuck- we literally cuss on a daily basis??

father: hes not wrong

father: also jongdae i am your father get out

#notmydad: you might be my father but

chanyools: i feel good about this one

#notmydad: you're junmyeon's daddy

baekhyoons: OH SHIT

baekhyoons: EXPOSED

jaeyong-theotp: JONGDAE

jaeyong-theotp: YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT

jaeyong-theotp: IM NEVER TALKING ABOUT KINKS WITH YOU EVER AGAIN

chanyools: WAIT SO THATS TRUE AND DAE WASNT JUST MESSING???

jaeyong-theotp: OF COURSE ITS NOT TRUE

kyungsoo: idk kris-hyung is awfully quiet

father: ????

father: i didnt ask for this slander but

jaeyong-theotp: yifan

jaeyong-theotp: shut up

**father changed his name to daddy.**

chanyools: OHMYGOd

#notmydad: IM CRYING THIS IS GREAT

baekhyoons: ISHSJHDJ JUNMYEON GOT EXPOSEDDDD

jaeyong-theotp: yifan ohmygod stop this

nini: am i the only one who actually went to sleep????'

jaeyong-theotp: so pure wow

nini: whats all this about yifan-hyung being junmyeon-hyung's father??

jaeyong-theotp: NOTHING

nini: ????????

nini: im confused

daddy: jongin its nothing go back to sleep

jaeyong-theotp: thank you

nini: sOUNDS FAKE

nini: but okay

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmfaoooooo hope yall are enjoying this shit


	3. nini can't keep his mouth shut, and sehun gets a taste of his own medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new uns:  
> myeonmyeon - suho  
> traitor - chen

**jaeyong-theotp changed his name to myeonmyeon.**

#notmydad: myeonmyeon. really?

myeonmyeon: fuck off, kim jongdae. just fuck off.

chanyools: ooooooooooooooooooh

baekhyoons: i think mom's still pissed at daedae for exposing his kinks ;-;

myeonmyeon: no shit

daddy: oh come on it wasn't that bad

myeonmyeon: fuck off, yifan. just, just fuck off

luhan: i think he's gonna start crying and beating people up again

minniemin: ya think?

luhan: yeah

#notmydad: i swear you two just- you're like a package damn

luhan: wym

#notmydad: whenever hyung is here, you suddenly appear, and vice versa

minniemin: well you're not wrong

nini: hi!! how!! was!! ur!! double!! date!! with!! taohun!!

minniemin: double date?

luhan: yeah i think he means when we went out together with tao and sehunnie~

minniemin: OH THEN

minniemin: oh

minniemin: it wasn't a date

nini: wait what

myeonmyeon: it wasn't?

daddy: ^^??

chanyools: where is baekkkk

baekhyoons: im here bb

minniemin: cute

baekhyoons: lemme come over i'll suck your dick

minniemin: NOT CUTE

nini: SJDHJ I DIDNT EXPECT THAT

nini: but wym it wasnt a date

myeonmyeon: FIRST OF ALL

myeonmyeon: stop with the indecency, you two

chanyools: okok mom

chanyools: anyways baek im in my room

baekhyoons: omw

myeonmyeon: ew

daddy: myeon you don't really have room to talk you know

nini: ew

minniemin: ^

luhan: ^^

#notmydad: ^^^

xing~: HI!!!

myeonmyeon: YIXING!!!

nini: LAY-HYUNGGG

daddy: hi, xingxing

minniemin: hiiiiii

luhan: seconded^^

#notmydad: you don't have to second a fucking hello

#notmydad: anyways, hi yixing!!

xing~: ^-^

xing~: i miss you guyss:((

xing~: it gets lonely in china

luhan: yet you don't hit me up?? 

xing~: aren't you in korea with tao to have your sneak-dates that somehow our large fanbase doesn't notice??

luhan: fuk u rite

minniemin: lmfao

nini: BUT GUYS!!!

nini: wym it wasnt a date !!!

luhan: right

luhan: taohun were looking for something to buy,,, for,,, someone

minniemin: a+ acting

nini: ??????

minniemin: sehun was looking to buy something, tao tagged along to help, and then they met up w us for ice cream and coffee

luhan: EXACTLY

nini: oh

nini: oHHH

nini: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

nini: i mean

nini: ok

xing~: aw!!!

kyungsoo: who the hell

kyungsoo: just woke me up by screaming

nini: FUCK

kyungsoo: jong

kyungsoo: i love you

kyungsoo: i really do

kyungsoo: i probably tolerate you most out of these idiots

xing~: :((((

kyungsoo: yixing excluded

xing~: :DDDD

luhan: jeez thanks

myeonmyeon: really feelin the love rn, soo

kyungsoo: you're welcome

kyungsoo: anyways

kyungsoo: jong, as much as i love you

kyungsoo: i'm going to murder you

nini: FUCK

nini: GOTTA TAORISHAN

luhan: WHY IS MY LEAVING ALWAYS A FUCKING MEME

daddy: jeez han chill

maknaeking: uhm

maknaeking: why,,, is the first thing i wake up to

maknaeking: kyungsoo-hyung,,, straddling nini

maknaeking: trying to choke him

maknaeking: uhhhh

myeonmyeon: jongin screamed and woke kyungsoo up

maknaeking: oh

luhan: yea

maknaeking: where are chanbaek?

#notmydad: sucking dick

maknaeking: ew

maknaeking: tell me more

myeonmyeon: SEHUN

maknaeking: okay jeez

maknaeking: ugh

maknaeking: so,,,,,,

maknaeking: u sure it's just soo trying to murder nini

maknaeking: and,, nothing, uhhh

maknaeking: more ???

xing~: probably!!! but they would be cute together!!!

maknaeking: oh

#notmydad: calm your tits

#notmydad: nini has eyes for u only

maknaeking: ??????????????

maknaeking: pls dont lie haha

myeonmyeon: i never thought id say this

myeonmyeon: buT

daddy: butt**

myeonmyeon: fuck you kris

daddy: harsh

myeonmyeon: anyways, i agree with traitor over there

#notmydad: oh this is fucking great

**#notmydad changed his name to traitor.**

traitor: i made it official!!

maknaeking: GUYS!!

maknaeking: focus on the issue

maknaeking: wym nini has eyes for me??? dont lie

daddy: theyre not wrong

maknaeking: hyung pls

nini: they're really not

maknaeking: WAIT WHAT

nini: isn't the weather today really nice???

kyungsoo: we're about to melt

nini: TIMEZONES

kyungsoo: right,,,

maknaeking: NINI WHAT

nini: ?? i think i hear kyungsoo-hyung calling me

kyungsoo: i'm really not

nini: ill be right there !!!!

nini: bYE GUYS !!!

kyungsoo: why do i love this kid 

maknaeking: NINI!!!!!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> ayEEEE this is solely plotless and dumb, but i hope you enjoy!!


End file.
